1
00:00:05,786 --> 00:00:07,706
How does it work?

2
00:00:07,706 --> 00:00:10,906
Friendface works along the same
principle as a cold or a plague,

3
00:00:10,906 --> 00:00:14,586
but it's not disgusting germs that
Friendface spreads, it's friendship.

4
00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:18,866
Each Friendface page is like a petri
dish filled with friendship germs.

5
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:21,906
When you stick your face into the
dish, you may come away with millions

6
00:00:21,906 --> 00:00:24,066
of people attached to your face!

7
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:27,546
That's right, it's basically
a diseased face of friendship!

8
00:00:27,546 --> 00:00:30,786
Just sign up with Friendface,
by giving us all of your personal

9
00:00:30,786 --> 00:00:33,946
information, and we'll provide a
web page where you can meet new

10
00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:38,906
friends, catch up with old ones,
and maybe find that special someone.

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Don't think about germs now,
that analogy's over.

12
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Now it's just love and companionship,
and everything's fine.

13
00:00:45,386 --> 00:00:47,866
We own everything
you put on Friendface,

14
00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:49,906
it says so in the terms
and agreements, but don't worry,

15
00:00:49,906 --> 00:00:52,346
we won't use it to do anything bad,
we promise.

16
00:00:52,346 --> 00:00:56,026
Just think about love and
companionship and everything's fine.

17
00:00:56,026 --> 00:00:57,906
Friendface. Friendface.

18
00:00:57,906 --> 00:01:00,066
FriendFace.

19
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Can you two not use my email address
any more please, I've got a new one.

20
00:01:33,786 --> 00:01:34,786
Right.

21
00:01:34,786 --> 00:01:37,586
Jennywenny@Friendface?

22
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:38,986
Oh, no, you've not signed
up with Friendface have you?

23
00:01:38,986 --> 00:01:41,266
Yes, I have, actually.
Why not, it's great.

24
00:01:41,266 --> 00:01:44,146
I joined last night, and
I've already got 30 friends.

25
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,466
Baaaaaaa!
Yes, let's all join Friendface

26
00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:50,506
and become part of the herd. Ha!
I don't think so.

27
00:01:50,506 --> 00:01:52,826
Why not?
They're terrific!

28
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:56,146
You can catch up on old friends,
you can flirt with people.

29
00:01:56,146 --> 00:01:58,626
I think I've got better things
to do than to talk to friends

30
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:01,386
and flirt with people, thank you.

31
00:02:01,386 --> 00:02:04,226
You can play Scrabble online with it.

32
00:02:04,226 --> 00:02:06,026
It's just another way of shoving

33
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,546
advertising in your face, Jen.
Don't do it, you'll regret it.

34
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:12,426
It might be a great way to meet
women. All the girls on 7 are on it.

35
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I'm in.

36
00:02:13,106 --> 00:02:14,346
What?

37
00:02:14,346 --> 00:02:15,506
I've joined.

38
00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:16,666
That was quick!

39
00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:20,066
It was what you said about Scrabble.
I'm in a game now.

40
00:02:20,066 --> 00:02:20,746
I'm in!

41
00:02:20,746 --> 00:02:21,466
What?

42
00:02:21,466 --> 00:02:21,946
I've joined!

43
00:02:21,946 --> 00:02:23,266
What about the advertising?

44
00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:26,426
Oh, advertising doesn't have any
effect on me, Jen.

45
00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:28,826
I tune it out. So, er, the girls on
7, Kimberley, she's on this?

46
00:02:28,826 --> 00:02:29,866
Uh huh.

47
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:34,026
Ah, cool, look! They've got this
great game on their home page.

48
00:02:34,026 --> 00:02:36,666
You have to throw a little
can of cola into a giant mouth.

49
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:38,306
That's brilliant.

50
00:02:38,306 --> 00:02:40,226
God, I'm so thirsty.

51
00:02:59,786 --> 00:03:02,906
Listen, I've got to have a
word with you, oh, hang on.

52
00:03:02,906 --> 00:03:05,066
Jen, you can change your
setting on Friendface

53
00:03:05,066 --> 00:03:06,826
so you don't have to have that
annoying bleep

54
00:03:06,826 --> 00:03:08,066
every time you get a message.

55
00:03:08,066 --> 00:03:10,026
Incoming message!

56
00:03:11,746 --> 00:03:13,426
Sorry, that's me.

57
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,866
Yeah, I just have to tell
you about, oh, hang on.

58
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:19,706
Yep, Jen, just open a chat window
and then we can all talk in it.

59
00:03:19,706 --> 00:03:20,626
How do I do that?

60
00:03:20,626 --> 00:03:22,826
You just press the speech
bubble in the left hand corner.

61
00:03:22,826 --> 00:03:25,146
Oh, yeah.

62
00:03:27,386 --> 00:03:29,746
Yes.

63
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,146
Oh, yeah, but don't forget if...

64
00:03:39,746 --> 00:03:41,666
What are you like?

65
00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:42,826
If I might interject.

66
00:03:47,466 --> 00:03:48,346
Oh, Moss.

67
00:03:48,346 --> 00:03:50,066
That's hilarious.

68
00:03:50,066 --> 00:03:52,106
That was a classic Moss line.

69
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:57,626
Yeah.

70
00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:04,346
I love this.

71
00:04:04,346 --> 00:04:06,306
I feel so social.

72
00:04:09,986 --> 00:04:12,226
All right Jen I'm going to go
home now, it's nearly half seven.

73
00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:15,706
I'm just answering all my Friendface
messages, they sort of piled up.

74
00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:19,226
So many people I don't care about
getting in touch, it's brilliant.

75
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,666
Oh, there's another one,

76
00:04:20,666 --> 00:04:24,226
and I'm getting into online games,
you know, real brain teasers.

77
00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:28,066
And I'm filling out a form on how
much I love Cuke, have you tried it?

78
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:31,986
Cuke, yeah,
I love Cuke, it's heaven in a can.

79
00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:39,226
Anyway I'm going to head, all right.
Jen, don't get too obsessed by that.

80
00:04:39,226 --> 00:04:41,266
No, I won't.
Bye, Moss.

81
00:04:46,426 --> 00:04:49,746
Oh,
someone's added me as their friend,

82
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:52,546
I went to school with her,
I wonder how she's doing?

83
00:04:52,546 --> 00:04:54,906
Oh, not very well. That's good.

84
00:05:11,546 --> 00:05:13,866
Incoming message.

85
00:05:13,866 --> 00:05:15,426
Jesus Christ!

86
00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,186
I mean, Jesus Christ.

87
00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:22,226
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

88
00:05:22,226 --> 00:05:24,546
Excuse me, some of us are
trying to sleep round here.

89
00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:28,466
This woman that I went out with
once wants to meet up again.

90
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:31,986
Oh, I thought I got rid of her, but
oh, no, she found me on Friendface.

91
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:34,746
Now I'm going to have to
spend all afternoon

92
00:05:34,746 --> 00:05:36,666
trying to make up lies of how
to get rid of her again.

93
00:05:36,666 --> 00:05:39,066
Oh, I think that is very mean,

94
00:05:39,066 --> 00:05:41,106
if it were me I would
like to know the truth.

95
00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:42,626
That you wear
way too much makeup.

96
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:44,626
I do not!

97
00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:48,586
That's a horrible
thing to say, how dare you.

98
00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:50,386
Not you Jen, this girl.

99
00:05:50,386 --> 00:05:52,186
Oh, does she?

100
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,266
Big time.

101
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:54,986
Did you sleep with her?

102
00:05:54,986 --> 00:05:57,146
No.

103
00:05:57,146 --> 00:06:00,026
It wasn't my fault,
I got really drunk to try and

104
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,866
make the evening pass quicker,
and then by the end of it

105
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,986
the makeup thing was actually
starting to work for me a bit.

106
00:06:04,986 --> 00:06:06,346
Oh, please.

107
00:06:06,346 --> 00:06:08,586
I'm not proud of it Jen,
it's not going on my CV,

108
00:06:08,586 --> 00:06:10,866
but every man has a story like this.

109
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,666
This is not the first story
you've told me like this.

110
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:15,026
Every man has a few stories
like this.

111
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,866
Oh, no!

112
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:19,146
She used to
slap it on with a trowel.

113
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:23,626
God, why don't women have the
confidence to know that less is more.

114
00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:25,946
Then, when she started crying

115
00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:30,106
it all ran down her face, it
was like breaking up with The Joker.

116
00:06:30,106 --> 00:06:34,546
Hang on, she was,
she was that upset, she was crying?

117
00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:37,586
It sounds like you really
hurt this girl's feelings.

118
00:06:37,586 --> 00:06:41,346
The least you can do is tell the
truth, be a man for God's sake.

119
00:06:41,346 --> 00:06:43,466
Whoa, don't, hey, I am a man.

120
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:46,026
I will tell her, I will email her.

121
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:47,626
No, you have to tell
her face to face.

122
00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:49,066
The hell I do.

123
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,946
This is a fragile young woman,
what if she reacts badly?

124
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:54,066
That's exactly why
I'm doing it on email.

125
00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:57,066
No, you have to tell her the truth
and you have to do it face to face.

126
00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:58,786
Do I?

127
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,426
My mum's on Friendface, my mum!

128
00:07:01,426 --> 00:07:04,546
It's opened up another channel
of communication with my mum.

129
00:07:04,546 --> 00:07:05,706
Isn't that good?

130
00:07:05,706 --> 00:07:10,186
No, it is not good. She's put
down her current mood as sensual.

131
00:07:10,186 --> 00:07:11,746
Ooh.

132
00:07:14,026 --> 00:07:15,746
Why didn't you just not
accept her as a friend?

133
00:07:15,746 --> 00:07:17,506
Are you an animal?

134
00:07:17,506 --> 00:07:19,786
I can't turn down a
friend request from my mum.

135
00:07:19,786 --> 00:07:21,466
Message for me.

136
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:22,906
Oh.

137
00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:28,106
I am eating my apple, mum.

138
00:07:30,506 --> 00:07:33,506
She packed me an apple this morning
and it's the issue of the day.

139
00:07:33,506 --> 00:07:36,346
I have to go, I'm meeting an
old school friend for lunch.

140
00:07:36,346 --> 00:07:40,306
Isn't it great the way Friendface
brings people together?

141
00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:49,906
Nanny's chasing the dog around,
all the kids are screaming,

142
00:07:49,906 --> 00:07:52,346
absolute bedlam, and here's me

143
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,706
going to a meeting with the major
shareholders.

144
00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:56,746
My life is an absolute nightmare.

145
00:07:56,746 --> 00:08:00,346
Yes, yes, mine too.

146
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,786
So what about the other
girls, what are they doing?

147
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,346
Elaine is head of marketing
at Dennis Publishing.

148
00:08:04,346 --> 00:08:05,866
OK.

149
00:08:05,866 --> 00:08:07,266
She's married to the
editor of Esquire.

150
00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:08,266
Is she?

151
00:08:08,266 --> 00:08:10,386
Veronica is in A&R with Arista,

152
00:08:10,386 --> 00:08:14,626
her big embarrassing story is she
passed on Arctic Monkeys.

153
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,506
Idiot.

154
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:19,826
Jilly is an architect,
designing a new wing on The Tate.

155
00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:22,506
Jilly, Jilly Spencer?

156
00:08:22,506 --> 00:08:25,626
She used to eat the wood on her desk.
I always thought she was slow.

157
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:27,106
She's a genius.

158
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:29,546
Wow, everybody's doing great.

159
00:08:29,546 --> 00:08:30,786
Yeah.

160
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:33,226
So what about you, Jen?

161
00:08:33,226 --> 00:08:34,506
What are you up to?

162
00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:36,746
What am I up to?

163
00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:38,746
Yeah. Oh, god, I hope
that's not a rude question.

164
00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:39,826
No, no, no, no.

165
00:08:39,826 --> 00:08:44,066
It would be awful if I just listed
all our successful friends

166
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,946
and you were stuck in some terrible,
dead end job you hated.

167
00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:49,906
Oh, god,
that would be an absolute fucker.

168
00:08:49,906 --> 00:08:54,946
No, no, I'm Head of IT
at Reynholm Industries.

169
00:08:54,946 --> 00:08:57,706
Oh, I didn't know you were
interested in computers.

170
00:08:57,706 --> 00:09:01,386
Interested is not the word.

171
00:09:02,386 --> 00:09:04,346
Sorry.

172
00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,506
Hi, babe.

173
00:09:08,906 --> 00:09:14,186
You didn't have to call
just to tell me that,

174
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,746
no I can't,

175
00:09:16,746 --> 00:09:19,666
I'm in public. Stop it.

176
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:21,426
Yeah, of course I'm wearing it.

177
00:09:25,626 --> 00:09:27,626
Can I have another one, please?

178
00:09:37,626 --> 00:09:39,386
Hi, Roy.

179
00:09:39,386 --> 00:09:40,826
Hi.

180
00:09:42,466 --> 00:09:45,706
Roy, do you have any

181
00:09:45,706 --> 00:09:49,426
attractive,
successful-looking friends?

182
00:09:49,426 --> 00:09:52,066
No.

183
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:53,986
What, none at all?

184
00:09:53,986 --> 00:09:55,026
No.

185
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,786
Oh, god, well maybe
you could help me then.

186
00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:03,946
Wow, that's flattering.
Are you pissed?

187
00:10:03,946 --> 00:10:07,506
A little bit. Could you come
to a school reunion with me

188
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,026
and pretend you're my husband?

189
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,986
Do you really think that you can
quiz me for a better option

190
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,546
and think I'll still say yes?

191
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,266
I'll give you £50.

192
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,746
When is it?

193
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,186
Tomorrow night.

194
00:10:18,186 --> 00:10:22,266
I sort of bigged myself up
to this girl, she never had much

195
00:10:22,266 --> 00:10:25,626
time for me at school and I wanted
to impress her so, I need a husband.

196
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,506
Yeah, I can't because tomorrow
night I'm spending the evening

197
00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:33,066
with The Joker. Yeah,
I'm going to do what you said,

198
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,106
I'm gonna tell her the truth, tell
her I'm just not interested in her.

199
00:10:35,106 --> 00:10:38,386
Ooh, you're not actually
going to do that face to face?

200
00:10:40,626 --> 00:10:42,186
You told me to.

201
00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:44,666
Well,
aren't you worried she'll go mad?

202
00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:48,346
I'm very worried about that.

203
00:10:48,346 --> 00:10:52,266
Oh, you are a...oh!
I'm going to cancel.

204
00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:54,226
No, no you can't cancel, not now.

205
00:10:57,026 --> 00:10:59,346
Who am I going to ask then?

206
00:10:59,346 --> 00:11:02,266
Who are you going to ask what?

207
00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:03,986
Nothing.

208
00:11:03,986 --> 00:11:06,666
The queen of honesty here needs
someone to pretend to be her husband

209
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,146
at her school reunion.

210
00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:12,386
When is it?

211
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,226
So, you remember what to do.

212
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:24,626
Big you up to the max.

213
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:25,266
By?

214
00:11:25,266 --> 00:11:27,106
Listing your fictional achievements.

215
00:11:27,106 --> 00:11:28,226
Uh huh, and?

216
00:11:28,226 --> 00:11:30,746
Saying how lucky I am
to have met you

217
00:11:30,746 --> 00:11:33,386
and talking about
our sweet sex life.

218
00:11:33,386 --> 00:11:36,426
Maybe not the last one, we
don't want to sound too smug.

219
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:38,986
If I'm pretending
to be married,

220
00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:41,906
I'm pretending to be
sexually active.

221
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:46,146
Don't worry Jen,
I plan on earning this £10.

222
00:11:46,146 --> 00:11:48,026
Five now, five later.

223
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,348
Thank you.

224
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:07,148
So...how are you?

225
00:12:07,148 --> 00:12:12,748
I'm fine. It was great seeing your
profile pop up on Friendface.

226
00:12:12,748 --> 00:12:15,508
Gave me a great excuse
to get back in touch.

227
00:12:15,508 --> 00:12:20,348
Yeah, that's the brilliant thing
about that bloody website.

228
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,108
And how are you?

229
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,668
I'm great, I am great, yeah.

230
00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:27,668
I'm glad that we got
together, Alison, because...

231
00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:31,708
it's only fair that I be completely
honest with you. The truth is...

232
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,428
Do you mind if
I say something first?

233
00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:35,228
Er...OK.

234
00:12:35,228 --> 00:12:37,668
I've never been very
good with words, so...

235
00:12:37,668 --> 00:12:40,188
I wrote it down and
it turned into a poem.

236
00:12:40,188 --> 00:12:44,548
I'm sorry...
Are you going to read a poem now?

237
00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:46,748
Is that what's
actually going to happen?

238
00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:48,268
Yeah, is that all right?

239
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,508
Wouldn't you prefer to text it to me?

240
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,068
It's a bit long for that.

241
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:54,748
Okey dokey.

242
00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:57,188
"Oh, gentle Irish eyes..."

243
00:12:57,188 --> 00:12:58,788
Oh!

244
00:12:58,788 --> 00:13:01,668
"tussled brown hair,

245
00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:05,148
"smile as big as
my favourite teddy bear."

246
00:13:05,148 --> 00:13:09,388
That's a bit corny, I might take
it out or I might leave it in.

247
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,988
"Without you, I am just a husk."

248
00:13:12,988 --> 00:13:14,868
I, er... A husk?

249
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:15,988
Yeah.

250
00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:17,868
Uh-huh!

251
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:23,548
"Without you, I am just a husk,
a dead thing,

252
00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:30,508
"my new best friend is a razor,
a rope, a noose to swing...in." Oh!

253
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:33,188
"Without you,
the sweet release of death

254
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:36,148
"would be all that
could give me hope!

255
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:42,748
"When I see your face
on my computer,

256
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:45,788
"I don't just see you.

257
00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:48,268
"I see our future."

258
00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:55,268
Oh, it's...

259
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,708
Oh-oh!

260
00:13:58,788 --> 00:14:01,228
Oh...mmm!

261
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:06,668
Which is how my sexy wife
became the first ginger woman

262
00:14:06,668 --> 00:14:09,188
on the cover of Newsweek.

263
00:14:09,188 --> 00:14:10,548
That is wow.

264
00:14:10,548 --> 00:14:15,668
Just when I think I've heard every
story that puts Jen in a good light,
you come up with another one.

265
00:14:15,668 --> 00:14:19,308
Yes, and they're beginning to
sound a little bit unbelievable.

266
00:14:19,308 --> 00:14:20,908
Oh, I can't help it!

267
00:14:20,908 --> 00:14:24,788
I love this well-travelled high
earner. A woman in the living room,

268
00:14:24,788 --> 00:14:28,348
a chef in the kitchen,
a prostitute in the bedroom.

269
00:14:28,348 --> 00:14:30,108
Ow!

270
00:14:32,108 --> 00:14:36,148
Jen, why don't you tell them
all about your bionic arm?

271
00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:43,588
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could do. Or, or
we could talk about something else.

272
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:45,348
Yeah, we've heard
enough stories about Jen.

273
00:14:45,348 --> 00:14:46,628
< Yeah!

274
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:48,748
We want to hear about
the guy that tamed her heart.

275
00:14:48,748 --> 00:14:50,868
Yeah, what do you do, Moss?

276
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:52,988
I'm a professional tennis player.

277
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,028
Yeah, he doesn't like
talking about it, though, so...

278
00:15:00,028 --> 00:15:01,068
I do.

279
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,068
Where do you play?

280
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,388
Where don't I play.

281
00:15:04,388 --> 00:15:05,148
Wimbledon?

282
00:15:05,148 --> 00:15:07,308
I don't play there.

283
00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:08,828
Are you seeded, Moss?

284
00:15:08,828 --> 00:15:10,988
Bit of a personal question, Terry.

285
00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:12,948
But...

286
00:15:12,948 --> 00:15:17,588
yes, I'm highly seeded, we have two
lovely children, Zenith and Quasar.

287
00:15:17,588 --> 00:15:20,708
I, I love, I love this song.

288
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:24,428
Let's all stop talking
and dance to this song!

289
00:15:24,428 --> 00:15:26,788
POP MUSIC PLAYS

290
00:15:31,188 --> 00:15:34,588
Come on, let's dance.

291
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:44,868
Her name is Jen,
er, she's a work colleague.

292
00:15:44,868 --> 00:15:48,788
We've been seeing each other
for some time.

293
00:15:48,788 --> 00:15:51,108
I love her, I love that woman.

294
00:15:51,108 --> 00:15:52,748
Do you have a picture of her?

295
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:55,548
A picture of her? No.

296
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,868
What, not even on your phone?

297
00:15:57,868 --> 00:16:00,948
No, it never occurred to me
to take a picture of her,

298
00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:02,588
because I see her all the time.

299
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:05,108
You just don't want me!

300
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:09,188
Oh, I do, I do, it's, it's...
Why wouldn't I want you?

301
00:16:09,188 --> 00:16:10,868
No, it's just, it's this girl.

302
00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:12,348
There is no girl.

303
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:16,388
There is! It's a real girl.

304
00:16:16,388 --> 00:16:18,548
Look, could you...?
Could you just stop crying?

305
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:21,188
No, I'm never gonna stop crying!

306
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,108
Do you want to meet her?
We can meet her.

307
00:16:25,108 --> 00:16:26,108
What, really?

308
00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:29,188
Yeah, let's go and meet Jen.

309
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:32,108
Will that make you
a little less mad?

310
00:16:37,268 --> 00:16:40,028
Tough, though,
the whole marriage thing.

311
00:16:40,028 --> 00:16:43,148
Terry, it's as tough
as a cow's back.

312
00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:45,228
You know what takes
the edge off for me?

313
00:16:45,228 --> 00:16:46,228
What?

314
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:47,788
Regular, uninhibited,

315
00:16:47,788 --> 00:16:51,908
exploratory sex with a partner
who's even wilder than I am.

316
00:16:51,908 --> 00:16:55,148
That's Jen. She may look like
a ginger angel, but get her

317
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:59,068
behind closed doors and she turns
into Peter Stringfellow.

318
00:16:59,068 --> 00:17:01,148
God, I envy you.

319
00:17:01,148 --> 00:17:04,788
These days, Delina hardly
ever lets me, you know, do it.

320
00:17:04,788 --> 00:17:08,028
Ah, I'm on Jen at least
four times a day.

321
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,668
As I've already said,
I am fully seeded.

322
00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:15,388
You've got it really
sorted, haven't you?

323
00:17:15,388 --> 00:17:17,988
Yeah, it's very surprising,
isn't it?

324
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:21,268
No offence, Jen, but I've got
to admit I always thought

325
00:17:21,268 --> 00:17:25,508
you'd be the one whose life just
went completely off the rails.

326
00:17:25,508 --> 00:17:29,308
You always seemed to attract such
chaos at school, but look at you now.

327
00:17:29,308 --> 00:17:31,868
Delina, can we be best friends?

328
00:17:33,028 --> 00:17:37,548
Tell you the truth, I think Delina
might be sleeping with someone else.

329
00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:40,228
No, she's just over there.

330
00:17:40,228 --> 00:17:41,548
I mean, this is just
between ourselves.

331
00:17:41,548 --> 00:17:43,108
Of course.

332
00:17:43,108 --> 00:17:48,068
Little clues here and there,
things only a husband would pick up.

333
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,748
Like, someone wrote a message
on her Friendface wall read,

334
00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:55,148
"Can't wait to shag
your arse off again soon."

335
00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:59,268
I don't know, maybe
I'm reading too much into it.

336
00:17:59,268 --> 00:18:05,108
Still, if I ever found out who
that person was, "Ooh...god."

337
00:18:05,108 --> 00:18:07,508
Agh, it's a pickle, Terry.

338
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:09,708
Women! Oh...

339
00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:13,588
If I had a pound for every
bloody woman...

340
00:18:13,588 --> 00:18:15,428
Argh...oh!

341
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,948
I hear ya.

342
00:18:20,388 --> 00:18:21,708
Hi there, Jen!

343
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:24,108
What are you doing here?

344
00:18:24,108 --> 00:18:27,708
I saw on your profile that
you were having a party.

345
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,908
That's the great thing about
Friendface, I get to see

346
00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:33,868
what all my employees
are doing, all the time.

347
00:18:39,388 --> 00:18:41,228
Come on, be game.

348
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:50,588
Ah, there she is!
There's Jen!

349
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:54,188
OK, Jen, I am gonna help you out,
but need you to play along!

350
00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:54,668
This is Alison!

351
00:18:57,188 --> 00:19:00,628
She's the friend I told you
about, remember? And this...

352
00:19:00,628 --> 00:19:03,188
This is Jen,
the woman I love!

353
00:19:04,508 --> 00:19:05,668
What's going on here?

354
00:19:05,668 --> 00:19:07,428
What are you doing?

355
00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:09,828
I'm enjoying an evening
out with my woman.

356
00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:13,388
What?!

357
00:19:13,388 --> 00:19:16,028
Jen, who is this joker?!

358
00:19:16,028 --> 00:19:18,188
No offence!

359
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,788
OK...what the hell is
going on here?

360
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:26,908
Moss is my husband, Roy.

361
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:30,028
But you said you wanted me.
..She really did!

362
00:19:31,748 --> 00:19:35,228
It's true, I did want you,
at one point.

363
00:19:35,228 --> 00:19:40,308
You were the one that I wanted,
but then you left, you left, Roy,

364
00:19:40,308 --> 00:19:44,348
and so I turned to Moss,
and Moss was there for me, Roy.

365
00:19:44,348 --> 00:19:48,668
Moss was there for me in a way
that you were not,

366
00:19:48,668 --> 00:19:52,428
and now we're together,
and that's all that matters.

367
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:56,468
I don't know.

368
00:19:56,468 --> 00:19:58,188
What?

369
00:19:58,188 --> 00:19:59,628
I don't know, Jen.

370
00:20:01,188 --> 00:20:03,908
I love you, God knows I do.

371
00:20:03,908 --> 00:20:07,508
Your sweet abandon in bed,
your humanitarian work,

372
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:11,268
you've given me two wonderful
children in Zenith and Quasar.

373
00:20:11,268 --> 00:20:15,148
But it sounds to me like you still
have feelings for this young man,

374
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:18,228
and I'm not sure I can
handle that. I'm not sure at all!

375
00:20:18,228 --> 00:20:21,028
I don't. I don't.
I don't have feelings for this man.

376
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:23,908
Yes, you do.

377
00:20:23,908 --> 00:20:25,828
Admit it, Jen!

378
00:20:25,828 --> 00:20:30,828
Admit that you have feelings for me,
loudly, here, in front of Alison.

379
00:20:30,828 --> 00:20:35,188
No, I don't.
He means nothing to me, Delina.

380
00:20:36,628 --> 00:20:40,388
Well, you moved on quickly,
you bitch!

381
00:20:47,268 --> 00:20:51,428
How dare you call
my sexy wife a bitch!

382
00:20:54,148 --> 00:20:55,948
Do you want to take this outside?

383
00:20:55,948 --> 00:20:57,628
With pleasure, sir.

384
00:20:57,628 --> 00:21:00,388
I will just get some of my coats.

385
00:21:01,988 --> 00:21:04,028
Excuse me, Alison.

386
00:21:06,868 --> 00:21:08,068
What now?

387
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:10,068
Hadn't really thought this far.

388
00:21:24,788 --> 00:21:27,748
I'll just go and see how they are.

389
00:21:34,308 --> 00:21:37,068
Oh, those bloody bastards!

390
00:21:45,228 --> 00:21:48,068
Oh, lovely to see Jen!

391
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:52,708
See her?
I'm shagging her.

392
00:21:52,708 --> 00:21:55,068
Grr!

393
00:22:01,948 --> 00:22:04,388
Well, hello there, beautiful.

394
00:22:15,628 --> 00:22:18,268
transcript:choholate
sync:innuit



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